In the early part of my journey I used to suffer with low confidence. Constant feelings of worry and self doubt held me back from doing what I really wanted to do. I was sabotaging my own success. After many years of self defeating behaviour and negative self talk I decided to take action and one thing I did changed everything.
Let me dive straight in with the problem that was blocking my confidence. I used to think that everything was a big deal and more importantly I used to think that I was a big deal. I would want to try public speaking but my ego would jump right in with "don't do that, what if you look stupid?!" These nagging doubts constantly stopped me from taking action on things that I had always dreamed of doing. I was trapped by the disapproval of others and a fear of making mistakes, but if I had low confidence then why did I think I was a big deal?
"I was trapped by the disapproval of others and a fear of making mistakes."
I used to believe that everyone would be watching my every move and my fear was that if I messed things up "what would people think of me?" The thought of getting up and speaking in front of people felt like the biggest thing in the world to me, but it's not a big deal to the people in the audience. We build things up and they can feel monumental to us at the time, but that's not the case. Other people are so busy focusing on their own doubts, worries and dramas that they really aren't paying that much attention to you, even if your ego likes to think they are. My big 'a ha' moment occurred when I finally discovered that nobody else cares what I do. This shift in thinking will change your life.
When you realise that you are not that important, you then become more important. This may sound strange, but let me explain how it works. When you stop worrying what other people think and let go of wondering if other people are watching your every move it will take the pressure off. With the pressure off you can start to have more fun and relax. In this state you will be more congruent with who you are and feel more confident in yourself. All of a sudden public speaking doesn't seem so scary, because if it goes badly it won't be the end of the world. Everyone in the room will forget about it very quickly, nothing lasts forever. The only thing that will get damaged is your ego. When you let go of attachment to the ego you will start to take more risks and follow your intuition. You begin to care less about what other people think and eventually you will forget why you ever did.
"All of a sudden public speaking doesn't seem so scary, because if it goes badly it won't be the end of the world."
What was the moment that helped me make the shift? I laid down on the floor of bank tube station in front of everyone for 30 seconds to prove to myself that I don't care about looking stupid. When I finally did it (after wimping out several times) people walked past too busy with their own lives to care about the crazy guy led on his back on the tube floor. I still look back on this today when my ego tries to stop me doing something I know I want to do. That day, when I pushed myself out of my comfort zone, I felt like a boss. I had done it, I proved to my ego that I was in control of my thoughts and my life. I felt amazing!
Don’t be held back by your ego and don't be held back in life by what others think. Other people don’t have to live your life or go through your struggles, so that means they don’t get to decide your future. That’s your job, so get out there and live the life you want. Life's too short not to.